Dealing with emotionally immature people is a very tricky issue. We all have some degree of immaturity, but there is a clear difference between those who reflect on their behavior and try to improve and those who don’t even make an effort. Let’s find out how to determine if you are dealing with someone who is too immature to tolerate.
1. They react before thinking
According to psychotherapist Dr. Tracey Hutchinson, impulsiveness is a common characteristic of immature people. A typical immature person might glare or shout when angry, but extremely immature people go beyond that. They may cause a scene while dining out or hurl insults in front of coworkers.
Emotionally immature people act impulsively without considering the consequences because they can’t control their emotions. This causes great discomfort to those around them and can lead to bigger problems as they do not apologize or reflect on their actions. Relationships with people who cannot control their emotions can be very exhausting and sometimes dangerous. They may explode over trivial matters, so caution is needed when dealing with them.
2. You always have to understand and forgive them
Emotional maturity means being able to understand and manage your own emotions. If someone lacks this ability, you might feel like you have to treat them like a child all the time. They are adults in appearance only but still children mentally.
Emotionally immature people do not admit their mistakes and always expect those around them to understand and forgive them. This can cause significant stress in relationships. Relationships with immature people place the burden on you to always understand and forgive them, gradually depleting your emotional energy. To find balance in these relationships, it is important to set clear boundaries and practice distancing when necessary.
3. Raising a concern turns into a fight
When you bring up a concern, they take it as an attack and start attacking you. You try to explain calmly, but they either rush to fight or cry uncontrollably, making you feel like the bad person.
Emotionally immature people lack basic communication skills, so conflicts tend to escalate. They are overly sensitive to criticism, always believe they are right, and tend to fight to win rather than resolve issues. Conversations with such people can be emotionally draining. Discussions intended to resolve problems often turn into major fights, so you must approach conversations with them carefully and strategically.
4. They take everything emotionally
Some psychologists believe that emotional immaturity results from unstable attachments in childhood. These individuals have paranoid thoughts that others will hurt and betray them. They get deeply hurt by simple words and may ignore you until you sincerely apologize.
They overreact to small criticisms or suggestions, taking them as personal attacks. Relationships with such people can be very difficult to communicate in, and you always feel the burden of choosing your words carefully. Relationships with people who react excessively emotionally can negatively affect your mental health.
5. They always prioritize what they want
Emotionally immature people are often self-centered. They do not care about the emotions of others and will do anything to get what they want. According to psychology, such behavior results from a malfunctioning ego.
They lack empathy and always prioritize their own interests. They have no understanding or consideration of what you feel or what situation you are in. This self-centered attitude causes many conflicts and stress in relationships. To protect yourself in these relationships, it is important to set clear boundaries and firmly say no when necessary.
6. They take explanations as excuses
Extremely immature people lack empathy and are self-centered, so they do not understand your circumstances. They blame you based on their feelings and expect you to understand when situations change. If things go wrong, they blame you for everything; if things go well, they expect you to work harder for them.
They do not accept criticism and claim to be the victim instead. They dismiss your explanations or reasons as excuses and interpret situations to their advantage. Relationships with such people are always tense, greatly burdening your emotional stability.
7. They say hurtful things
Emotionally very immature people do not know how to filter their words. They even think that saying such things is part of their ‘personality.’ They are much more impulsive and lack self-control compared to most people, so they easily say hurtful things. Later, they may retract their words and claim they didn’t mean it, but they excuse it by saying they couldn’t help it because they were too angry at the time.
They are accustomed to hurting others with words and do not regret or reflect on their actions. Such behavior leaves deep wounds in others and is a major cause of relationship breakdowns. In conversations with them, always maintain boundaries and be careful not to be swayed by their words.
8. There is no belief that they will act correctly
They are likely to act on what feels good rather than what is right because they have poor impulse control. Hutchinson said, “Impulsiveness is common in emotionally immature people. Because emotions take precedence over reason or morality, they are always likely to lie and cheat.” Being with emotionally very immature people is scary because when they feel bad, they can do anything.
They believe you deserve such punishment, so they betray you, blame you for their actions, punish you, humiliate you, and hurt you. Relationships with them are always unstable and more dangerous because you cannot predict their actions. To protect yourself, manage relationships with such people carefully and distance yourself when necessary.
9. They do not reflect on themselves
Everyone has moments of immature behavior or speech. Afterward, they reflect on themselves. However, self-awareness or self-reflection is not in the vocabulary of emotionally immature people. When you act immaturely, you probably reflect on yourself, try to improve, admit your mistakes to the other person, and take responsibility by asking for forgiveness.
However, if a person doesn’t even consider the possibility that they might have done something wrong, it means they are very emotionally immature. They continue to make the same mistakes without reflection or self-examination. Relationships with them can have constant conflicts and misunderstandings, making it difficult to maintain the relationship.
In conclusion
Relationships with emotionally immature people are a big challenge. Their impulsive and self-centered behavior causes continuous stress and conflict for those around them. We have examined the various characteristics of emotional immaturity and identified common behavior patterns consistently shown by such people.
Emotionally immature people react before thinking, always prioritize themselves, and turn raising a concern into a fight. They take everything emotionally, consider explanations as excuses, and do not hesitate to say hurtful things. Additionally, there is no belief that they will act correctly, and they do not reflect on themselves. All these characteristics show that they lack basic empathy and self-reflection abilities.
Managing relationships with such people is very difficult. Their behavior is often unpredictable and can cause great harm to those around them. Therefore, it is essential to have a few important strategies to protect yourself in relationships with them.
First, it is important to clearly recognize your emotions and limits and firmly say no when necessary. Since emotionally immature people do not consider the emotions of others, it is crucial to set boundaries and stick to them to protect yourself. Additionally, in conversations with them, be careful not to get emotionally involved and try to approach things logically as much as possible.
Furthermore, to continue a relationship with such people, realistically assess the possibility of their behavior improving. If they show efforts to recognize and improve their issues, there may be a possibility to maintain the relationship. However, if not, recognize that maintaining the relationship may harm your mental and emotional health and consider ending the relationship if necessary.
Emotional maturity is an important factor that significantly impacts personal growth and the quality of relationships. By
understanding the various characteristics of emotional immaturity and the problems it causes, we can find ways to form healthier and more mature relationships. The ability to understand and control one’s emotions is not just a personal issue but plays a crucial role in all human relationships we are part of. Therefore, continuous efforts toward emotional maturity will have positive effects on ourselves and those around us.