Praise is often seen as a tool for conveying positive emotions. However, sometimes what appears to be a kind word can actually hurt the recipient. Why do we find ourselves in these situations? Is it because we have ill intentions? Or is there something we’re missing?
Which of These is Not Praise?
Among the following four situations, find the one that is not genuine praise. I will reveal the answer slowly.
- Dinner table conversation
- Greeting at a mountaineering club meeting
- Thank-you note in a phone call
- Praise for performance at work
At the Dinner Table
Mrs. Ko prepared a delicious dish of steamed codfish she bought at the local market. Her husband comments, “This cod must be really fresh; it tastes great. It just goes to show that ingredients are key.”
At the Mountaineering Club
The club president greets Kim Jung-mi, who hasn’t attended for a while, “Wow, Jung-mi, you look radiant today, even more beautiful than a wild rose!”
In a Phone Call
Director Choi calls Manager Lee, who organized a large event, “The event was fantastic. You really put in a lot of effort. Thanks to you, I received a lot of compliments. I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”
At the Workplace
The team leader praises an employee who contributed to the team’s success, “Our team is leading in sales this month. Let’s give a round of applause to Jang Seon-jin, who made a significant contribution. Please stand up!”
Even Confucius Couldn’t Escape It
Confucius once said, “Isn’t it also a virtue to not get angry when others don’t recognize you?” This shows our innate desire to be truly understood. Even Confucius longed for recognition and praise, so it’s natural for us to feel the same.
Praise That Heals, Praise That Hurts
The genuine praise in the four scenarios is the phone call (number 3). The others are not genuine praise. Why?
The husband’s comment, although it seems like praise, actually overlooks Mrs. Ko’s effort and skill. For praise to truly be effective, it should acknowledge the person.
The compliment to Kim Jung-mi could create a sense of inadequacy among other members. Public praise can sometimes harm others.
Praising a specific individual in the workplace might make other team members feel inferior. Praise should be given discreetly and personally.
Praise: In Private or In Public?
Public praise can sometimes hurt others in the room. When praising children or employees, it’s often better to do so one-on-one, privately.
Conclusion
Older generations and Koreans, in general, tend to be sparing with praise. They often see good deeds as expected and only react to mistakes. However, praise has the power to uplift people.
Instead of seeking praise, try praising yourself first. Develop a habit of encouraging and complimenting yourself. Start your day by praising the person you are today.