Have you ever wondered about the psychology of people who don’t talk after a fight? A quote from Alain de Botton’s “The Course of Love” provides a clear explanation of this topic.
At the heart of the silent treatment lies intense anger and an equally intense desire not to explain why one is angry.
This statement goes beyond simple emotional expression, shedding light on the true nature of silent treatment. People with impatient temperaments might find it unbearable to endure the frustrating silence after a fight. Through this article, we aim to understand the true feelings of those who don’t talk after a fight.
Personal Emotions and Silent Treatment
Alain de Botton’s quote resonates deeply with personal experiences. For instance, I tend to desire a quick return to the good times before a fight. However, if the other person remains silent, it becomes the easiest way to drive me crazy. I, too, have vowed not to speak until the other person understands my feelings. Eventually, I realized that the silent treatment stems from a childlike desire to be understood just as much as I understand my loved ones.
Realizing that this behavior could make the person I care about unhappy is challenging because, during the silent treatment, my feelings seem most important.
Can Someone Understand Without Words?
Alain de Botton says,
Only when no verbal explanation is needed can we be sure that we are truly understood.
However, it is almost impossible to understand someone without words. Expecting others to understand our feelings when we can’t even read theirs accurately is unrealistic. Hoping that the other person will understand our unspoken grievances is unfair.
Expressing Uncomfortable Feelings
Expressing uncomfortable feelings honestly without bottling them up can lead to better relationships. When feeling uncomfortable, consider the following steps:
- Identify why you feel bad.
- Consider if this feeling will pass with time.
- If it seems persistent, explain why you feel bad as soon as possible.
The key here is to communicate gently and clearly. Few people can express uncomfortable feelings gracefully, proving how difficult it is. Discussing uncomfortable feelings is one of the greatest kindnesses you can show to a loved one, ensuring they don’t blame themselves in any situation.
Conclusion
Silent treatment after a fight isn’t just sulking but can be a profound expression of emotions. Understanding and honestly expressing these feelings can lead relationships in a better direction. If someone is giving you the silent treatment now, approach them and try to have an open conversation. When your sincerity reaches them, the relationship will deepen.